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This section is intended to introduce you to some general customs and stereotypes of American culture. The U.S. is an extremely diverse country, and is home to people with many different beliefs and backgrounds. Because of this, there is no way to explain the entire culture or its customs in this space, but the following information is intended to give you a general impression of some American cultural ideals.
When reading this section, note that the term “American” refers to people from the U.S., and is very commonly used. Also know that Seattle is a very laid back and informal city within the U.S., so many of formalities described here may not be seen in Seattle.
Introduction and Greeting
When two people are first introduced there is a ritual greeting. It is proper to shake hands with everyone to whom you are introduced, both men and women. An appropriate response to an introduction is: "Nice to meet you." If you want to introduce yourself to someone, extend your hand for a handshake and say, "Hello, I am...." Some Americans greet each other with a hug if they are well acquainted. If you do not wish to be hugged, extend your hand quickly for a handshake. Shaking hands is common in business and social gatherings among both men and women.
When you see someone you know, the dialogue is: “Hello, how are you?” or “Hi, how’s it going?” followed by: “Fine thanks, how are you?” A more formal “Good morning” or “Good afternoon,” or a less formal “Hello” or “Hi,” followed by “How are you?” is appropriate. In the U.S., when people say, “Hi, how are you?” or “How are you doing?” they often do not wait for a response. This is a polite phrase, not really a question. You can respond by saying, “Fine, thanks.”
When Americans talk to one another, they usually establish eye contact and keep a distance of about two feet. It is extremely uncomfortable for most Americans to talk with someone who stands too close to them, and you will find them backing away from such a situation. Physical contact, other than shaking hands, connotes sexual attraction or aggressiveness to some Americans.
Americans frequently use first names. This is true even when people first meet. Address people of your own approximate age and status by first name. If the other person is clearly older than you, you should address them with Mr., Mrs., or Ms. (for both unmarried and married women), and the last name. Unless a faculty member or someone else with a title tells you to use his or her first name, address that person using his or her title and last name.
The use of nicknames is very common among Americans. A nickname is not a person’s real name but a name given to that person because of a physical characteristic, a behavior pattern, or a shorter version of a given name. Being called by a nickname usually indicates that you are viewed with affection.
Friendship
Americans are usually very friendly, and readily welcome and are willing to help newcomers. It takes a long time, however, for friendships to develop. In the U.S., people enjoy doing things together and exchanging ideas which can lead to friendship. However, "friends" may not become deeply involved in each others' personal affairs or even spend a great deal of time together.
Americans, in general, are very conversational. They are usually quite verbal when they are with one another. Unless they are very close friends, being quiet is usually noticed. Long silences are often uncomfortable to Americans. For this reason, Americans make “small talk” or discuss trivia or superficial and simple things. This type of conversation takes place before any serious conversation. Typically, both people are expected to contribute to the conversation. If someone asks you a question, it is common to return the question back to them. Also, don’t be surprised if a stranger strikes up a conversation with you at the bus
You may hear an American say, “Drop by anytime” or “Let’s get together soon.” These are friendly expressions, but they may not be meant literally. It is polite to call someone on the telephone before you visit. Even without an invitation, it is acceptable to call a new acquaintance to see if he or she would like to go to an activity with you.
What is the difference between “friendliness” and “friendship?” Most Americans you meet will be friendly, but such friendliness is not necessarily a prelude to friendship. Avoid misunderstandings by learning the signals of a growing friendship.
Americans often talk about their children and family activities, for example, but they are reluctant to discuss family problems or why they do not have children, if they have none. Americans are also reserved about discussing financial matters and will often avoid answering questions about their income or the cost of their possessions. Generally, Americans are interested in discussions about politics, religion, local and international events, and hobbies. They are curious about how people live in other parts of the world and are willing to talk about their own way of life. You do not have to discuss any subject that is difficult for you, but when friends exchange views with honesty and mutual respect, they gain new insights and understanding.
Americans often indicate their interest in others by asking questions. Their questions to you indicate an eagerness to learn about your country and culture. Even the most basic information is of interest to them.
You can:
Share photographs and slides from home
Share a book from your country
Explain your national holidays
Give your hosts maps or postcards from your country
Discuss events that are happening in your country
Introduce your hosts to friends from your country
Social Customs in the United States
Americans, like all people, have unique social customs. A few are discussed below, but it is impossible to list them all. By observing Americans and asking questions, you can learn about others.
Making Friends
You may find that American students smile easily and are not hesitant to talk, but this is not an automatic commitment to friendship. In this fast-paced society where Americans are taught to be self-reliant, friendships are often transitory and established to meet personal needs at a certain time. Many Americans have friends at work, friends at school, and so on, but only a few very close friendships. Friendships are usually the result of repeated interactions between individuals who share similar views and a variety of experiences together. Casual friendships are especially common among college-age students who are trying to establish personal autonomy and are coming into contact with a variety of people representing different values and life-styles. This is not meant to discourage international students from attempting to establish friendships with Americans. Most Americans readily accept new people into their social groups. One of the best ways to meet Americans is to go to concerts, sporting events, and church activities, or to join a special interest group on campus.
Dating
You may be surprised by the informality of relations between men and women. In the U.S., couples go out alone in the evening to attend a movie, concert, lecture, or party; students may get together for a “study date.” In the past, the man usually asked the woman on a date, and the man paid the expenses of the movie, concert, or meal. Today, a woman may ask a man to go out with her. Whether the man or woman offers the invitation, students often share the expenses. Even if you are asked out, expect that you will be paying for yourself. When a couple goes out and each person pays for him- or herself, it is often referred to as “going Dutch.” However, there are still many Americans who believe in the traditional dating style, where the man pays for the entire date. Don’t be surprised if this is the case either. It is best to discuss this beforehand so you are prepared.
Relationships between American men and women of college age range from simple, casual friendships to strong emotional and physical commitments. As your friendships develop past acquaintance, you may not always understand what your partner expects of you. Whatever the relationship, the best policy is honesty and frankness. Although sometimes embarrassing, it is best to express your feelings and intentions so you can avoid misunderstandings and even greater discomfort.
If your date appears interested in a sexual relationship and you are not, it is very important that you say no clearly. And if someone seems to be saying no to you, listen. Unwanted sexual attention is a very serious matter in the U.S. Do not interpret the acceptance of a date as anything more than an agreement to meet at a certain time and place and to spend some time together.
If you are in doubt about correct behavior, talk with FIUTS, American friends, or with your host family. Be aware that alcohol and dating can be a problematic mix, particularly in a cross-cultural setting.
Invitations
Americans make statements such as, "You must come to see us," or, "See you later." This kind of friendly statement is not necessarily an invitation. An invitation specifies a time, date, and place. It is polite to respond to an invitation with either "yes" or "no." A "yes" answer requires you to attend unless you call to cancel. You can always decline an invitation from your hosts; it is polite to say "no" or "no, thank you." If you find you must cancel a meeting or social engagement, inform your host as early as possible. It is considered impolite to accept an invitation and not go.
Dining Customs & Social Gatherings
When you accept a dinner invitation, tell your host in advance if you have any dietary restrictions. He or she will want to plan a meal that you can enjoy. Cocktails or other beverages may be served before dinner. It is not necessary to accept an alcoholic drink if you do not want one. You can always ask for fruit juice, soft drink, tea, or coffee.
The evening meal is the main meal of the day in most parts of the U.S. This is a time for family members, including children, to be together and talk about topics of interest. Guests are encouraged to join in these conversations, to ask questions, and share their opinions and views.
Food may be served in one of several ways: "family style," by passing the serving plates from one to another around the dining table; "buffet style," with guests serving themselves at the buffet; and "serving style," with the host filling each plate and passing it to each person. Guests usually wait until everyone at their table has been served before they begin to eat. When eating foods such as hamburgers, raw fruit, fried chicken, and sandwiches, using your hands is most often the norm.
Another style of dinner gathering is called a “potluck,” which usually means that each guest or family brings part of the meal. The person organizing the dinner will tell you which part of the meal you are expected to bring (main dish, side dish, dessert, etc.). It is fine to bring a typical dish of your country.
It is all right to say "No, thank you" when you are offered a second serving of food. Accept more food if you want it, however, as the offer might not be repeated. Most Americans think it is impolite to insist that people have more food after they have refused a second serving. Eating all of the food indicates you have enjoyed the meal; it does not indicate that more food should be served.
It is polite to take a small, inexpensive gift when you are invited to dinner, or when staying overnight in your hosts’ home. A small item you brought from home can also be a pleasant surprise to hosts. At the conclusion of a visit, thank the host and hostess for their hospitality. Also, if you go to someone’s home for a meal or if they take you out to a restaurant, it is appropriate to send them a thank-you note within 24-48 hours.
Dinner guests usually stay for an hour or two of conversation or other activity after the meal is finished. If your host is driving you home, he or she may suggest a time for leaving. In larger groups, it is not necessary to say good-bye to everyone before leaving, but of course you will want to locate your host and hostess to tell them good-bye and thank them.
University students often hold many parties which usually begin later at night, and continue for several hours. Such parties are very informal, and it is not as important to be on time or to dress formally. Most students will wear jeans to these parties. You should ask the person having the party if there is something you should bring; American students usually like to drink beer and eat snacks such as potato chips and pretzels. You may just be asked to “pitch in when the hat comes around,” meaning that your host has bought the refreshments but expects the guests to contribute a few dollars towards the cost of the party.
Unspoken and Body Language
Because gestures and unspoken signals have become so automatic, we often forget how they may mean different things in different cultures. To avoid misunderstandings, be sure to keep in mind that the unspoken gesture you exchange with people from other cultures may not say what you think it does.
Individualism
Americans value independence. They generally believe that the ideal person is autonomous and self-reliant. They often dislike being dependent on other people, or having others dependent on them. People from other cultures may view this as selfishness or as a healthy freedom from the constraints of ties to family, clan, or social class.
Informality
Americans tolerate a considerable degree of informality in dress, relationships between people, and methods of communication. In some cultures this may reflect a lack of respect, and in others it reflects a healthy lack of concern for social ritual.
Time and Time Consciousness
Americans tend to place more emphasis on punctuality than do people in many other places. You are expected to be ready at the time agreed upon if someone is picking you up at your residence. When invited to someone's home, you are expected to arrive within five or ten minutes after the scheduled time, but never before that time. When you plan to meet someone at a restaurant, theater, or some other place where reservations have been made, it is important to arrive at the time agreed upon. Many Americans feel that arriving late for social events or appointments indicates a lack of respect for the person who is kept waiting. In general, you have a five minute grace period for arriving at social events.
In general, you can telephone Americans between 9 am and 9 pm without awakening them. Most Americans, especially families, do not like to be disturbed during the evening meal, anywhere between 5:30 pm and 7:30 pm.
The office hours for most of the University are 8 am to 5 pm, Monday through Friday. Some offices close for lunch between noon and 1 pm. Some of the town businesses close at 5 pm or 5:30 pm and some stay open until 9 pm. The large shopping malls are usually open until 9 pm on Saturday, but only until 5 pm on Sunday.
“Doing” is very important to Americans and wasting time is viewed negatively and discouraged. Many Americans organize their activities according to a schedule. As a result, they always seem to be running around, hurrying to get to their next appointment. This fast pace way of life may be overwhelming for people from other cultures.
Materialism
Success in American society is often marked by the amount of money or the quantity of material goods a person is able to accumulate. Hard work, cleverness, and persistence are valued as means to accumulate material goods. Some cultures view this as a lack of appreciation for the spiritual or human things in life. Others may see this as a way to sustain a comparatively high standard of living in this country.
Personal Cleanliness
Americans have a saying, “Cleanliness is next to godliness.” Most Americans are very conscious of body odors and may seem to be fanatic about taking showers, washing their hair, and using many types of toiletries, such as deodorant. Americans are also very particular about the cleanliness of their homes, especially the bathroom and kitchen. If you doubt this statement, visit any supermarket or discount store and take note of the large amount of shelf space dedicated to cleaning and personal hygiene products. Or take a look at an American’s kitchen (although, a college student’s kitchen is not necessarily a good example).
Dress
Everyday dress is appropriate for most visits to peoples' homes. You may want to dress more formally when attending a holiday dinner or cultural event, such as a symphony concert or a theater performance. Seattle tends to be a very laid-back city when it comes to the way people dress. You can wear jeans to most restaurants—especially the ones in the U-District.
Gifts
As a rule, gifts are given only to relatives and close friends. It is acceptable to give a gift to a host or hostess or to someone with whom you have a more casual relationship, but it is not required or even very common to do so. Gifts are not usually given to people in official positions; such a gift may be misinterpreted as a way to gain favor or special treatment. It is acceptable to give teachers a gift of appreciation, but it is better to do so after you have completed the course.
Americans usually give gifts to family and friends at Christmas, birthdays, weddings, graduations, and upon the birth of a child. Gifts are also sometimes given to someone who has moved into a new house or is moving away. Gifts are not expected to be very expensive; they are merely a thoughtful gesture. More expensive gifts are acceptable between people who are close to one another. It is best to give something that the recipient needs, wants, or would enjoy.
Americans usually open gifts in the presence of the giver. A verbal expression of thanks is appropriate. If the gift is opened in the absence of the giver, a thank-you note specifically mentioning the gift should be sent. This is an important custom for most Americans, signifying that you truly like the gift.
Social Equality
The American dream is that all individuals—regardless of occupation, handicap, sex, race, religion, or sexual orientation—should be treated equally.
Both men and women in the United States have an active part in community life. Many women have full-time careers outside the home and in many cases both parents take care of small children and share the home chores. Women who hold positions in the working world expect the same professional respect, as do their male counterparts.
Smoking
A decreasing number of Americans smoke. Because many Americans dislike being exposed to the cigarette smoke of others, you should not assume that it acceptable to smoke indoors. In fact, it is rare to see people smoking indoors these days. Restaurants and bars in Seattle are designated as "smoke free" environments. This applies to University of Washington’s campus. If you are a smoker, look for signs which indicate a designated outdoor smoking area before you begin smoking.
Alcohol
U.S. laws concerning the sale and consumption of alcohol may seem very liberal or very constraining to you, depending on your nationality. In the U.S., it is illegal to purchase alcoholic drinks, including beer and wine, until you reach the age of 21. Laws governing alcohol can vary from state to state. For example, it is illegal in some states, including Washington, to walk along the street with an open container of beer. Beer and wine are available in supermarkets and convenience stores in Washington. However, hard liquor sales are monitored by the government; it is only available at liquor stores which are run by the Washington State Government.
Practicing Your Religion
The U.S. is a multicultural society founded on tolerance and mutual respect; you should not hesitate to seek out opportunities to practice your religious beliefs. Organized religious groups of many denominations are easily found in Seattle. Although the U.S. has a higher rate of church attendance than most other western societies, some Americans are uncomfortable discussing religion. Some Americans may shy away from the topic altogether; others will want to share their religious views with you. Most people are sincere and straightforward, but some may try to take advantage of you or convert you to their religious beliefs by offering you their friendship. If you begin to feel uncomfortable in such a situation, politely but firmly explain that you are not interested.
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